C.A. Jacobs

akafoxxcub:

A 19-year-old reddit user sought the advice of his fellow redditors after a spontaneous gay hookup with his best friend last month.

“I had a gay experience with my friend I thought we were both straight,” he writes. “Feeling confused and don’t know where to go from here.”

The teen shared his experience in full detail hoping to get some guidance from users of reddit’s relationship forum. He writes:

Some background for the situation: I’ve known my friend Danny, the friend in question, since we were 14. We were part of a group of four guys and we all got along really well. Him and his best friend and me and my best friend would all hang out together all the time after school and on weekends, play video games together and go on adventures, you know, just teenager stuff. Anyway, at the end of high school we all went to different colleges across the country for different reasons. Danny and I both came back to our hometown for the summer, but my best friend and his best friend both stayed at their schools to work and take summer classes and such.

I’ve been hanging out with Danny pretty much every day since we got back. My parents repurposed my bedroom to a workout room almost as soon as I moved into the dorms so I live in my basement and usually he’ll come over and we’ll play games or watch tv or listen to music, and then he’ll crash on the couch, go home in the morning and then come back over in the afternoon, rinse and repeat.

Last night we were watching some shitty movie, or really more like just talking with the movie on in the background and there was a sex scene. I asked him if he managed to get laid at all at college, and he said no. I admitted that I hadn’t either. We started to talk about sex a little. I could feel myself getting excited but I didn’t really understand why. The conversation kept up to the point where I said something along the lines of “I would really love to know what it feels like to have somebody suck my cock.” He said “what if…” and then blushed. One thing led to another and next thing I know he’s blowing me. I felt weird and conflicted about it but it was so good. It was like my mind switched gears in the middle of it and all of a sudden I was so turned on by him. When he finished me I asked him to let me return the favor. Afterwards we kissed, and then he awkwardly said that he should leave and went home.

As soon as he left my mind went into overdrive. A lot of things clicked into place in my mind but I’m still confused about a lot of things. I don’t look at porn often but when I do it’s usually women, but I’ve never met a woman irl that I was actually attracted to. I thought it was because I have high standards, but what if it’s because I’m not into women? I can’t make sense of it. I was super horny this morning, I’ve jerked off three times already today and I tried to think about women and look at straight porn but my mind kept drifting back to Danny’s body, Danny’s dick, Danny with his mouth around me. It’s crazy because I’ve never once felt attraction to a man before, never noticed guys in a sexual way at all, but now all I can think about is him.

I’m really worried that this will fuck up our friendship. I don’t regret what we did, but what if he does? What if he’s been scoping me out this whole time, waiting for his chance to pounce? I don’t know how I would feel about that. Also if he decides he doesn’t want to be around me anymore, I’m going to be alone for the rest of the summer. None of my other friends are in town. And then what happens if we do decide to get together, become a couple. What happens when we go back to school? What do we tell our other friends? Hell, what would I tell my parents?

I texted him earlier, just a simple “Hey” and I haven’t gotten anything back yet. I’m kind of losing my mind waiting on an answer. I would really love advice regarding what to say to him when I talk to him next. I want to continue to explore my relationship with him, but I don’t want to scare him off by coming on too strong. I need to feel out his thoughts first.

Does anybody else that’s been in a situation like this have any advice to offer? What should I say to him? How can I salvage our friendship if it turns out that he doesn’t feel the same way as me? I’m looking for any general advice regarding sexuality and figuring yourself out as well.

tl;dr: Thought I was straight, ended up engaging in mutual oral sex with a friend that I also thought was straight. I want to figure out my sexuality and continue to explore this new territory with my friend, but stay friends with him if he’s not interested. How do I approach the topic so as to not scare him off? And how do I figure out if I’m bi or gay, just for my own personal peace?

EDIT: He just texted me back and asked if he could come over. I said yes. Wish me luck!

A few days later, he provided this update:

I’m getting a lot of update requests, and Danny just headed home so I figured I’d go ahead and post. I have exciting stuff to tell you guys! First I wanted to say thanks to everybody who commented, you all really helped me calm down and stop overthinking everything. I appreciate it a lot.

When Danny showed up we were both really nervous and awkward at first. I was really scared to say anything, but I broke the tension by telling him how much I had enjoyed the night before. He broke out into a huge grin and turned bright red, lit up like a christmas tree. He told me he was so relieved, and that he had been obsessing over it all night worried for the same reasons I had been.

I told him that it was my first sexual experience ever and that I was questioning my sexuality now. He told me that he had been questioning his sexuality for a while, and that he had feelings for men before, but had mostly seen me as just a friend until last night, when he realized that I was kind of sort of coming onto him in a really roundabout way. It’s funny, I didn’t really think of myself as coming onto him but I definitely made that statement hoping something would come of it…

Anyway I told him that first and foremost I valued our friendship and wanted to stay friends whatever happened between us. He agreed strongly. He asked me if I was okay with working out our feelings together (read: having sex until we figure out how we feel) and I told him yes. After all this heavy conversation we decided to play some CS:GO together like we usually do but we ended up in bed together instead. Afterwards we talked some more and discussed the possibility of a relationship. He said he feels like we know each other well enough that he wouldn’t feel like we were rushing in, and I agreed with him. He asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes! I’m so happy about it, too! I’ve never felt so attracted to anyone before.

We haven’t told anyone yet, but decided not to go out of our way to keep it a secret. The area we live in is reasonably tolerant and neither of our parents are anti-gay, which I am grateful for. I am worried about telling my sister, who has recently become a born-again christian and had a lot of horrible things to say about the supreme court ruling on FB. I’m also a little concerned about telling our other two friends, but I think after the initial shock wears off, they’ll come around.

Now, I’m not super duper concerned with slapping a label on my sexuality and calling it a day (thanks to you guys, I appreciate all the advice in that regard!) but the more I think about it, the more I think that I really am gay, or at least gay-leaning bisexual. It kind of feels like the best time to be realizing it with the gay marriage ruling happening. Every time I think about it I feel giddy.

tl;dr: Talked it out, sexed it out, we’re a couple now! Thanks for helping me stay sane, reddit!

(http://www.thegailygrind.com/2015/07/29/confused-college-bro-asks-internet-for-advice-after-spontaneous-gay-hookup-with-best-friend/)

jumpyhyliannetop:

saber-chan:

I spent all day doing sidequests instead of progressing the main story

I know you’re talking about a videogame but this is actually a really good metaphor for my life

8saxplayer8:

longlore:

monsterdonutpillow:

0ptimummm:

Today this girl in class looked different because she had straightened her hair and I told her it was so pretty and straight and she goes “unlike me”. So me thinking that she has bad self esteem, I say “don’t say that. You’re pretty.” To which she replies “oh no, im pretty. I’m just not straight.” And I shit you not my stomach still hurts from laughing too hard.

BEFRIEND HER

That’s gold.

I’VE ONLY EVER SEEN THIS ICONIC POST IN SCREENSHOTS

lgbtqia-identities:

overwhelmsion:

the-wolfbats:

lasrina:

alpacamyhedgehog:

marthawells:

obovoid:

i don’t want to achieve equality by sinking to men’s level, i want them to get on ours! why should i have to unlearn the conversational art of waiting my turn, unlearn sexual self-restraint, unlearn trust in others’ good intentions, unlearn the impulse to cater to others’ needs, just to have a chance at success among savages? why can’t the men learn some fucking manners so we can all conduct our affairs in a civilized manner? i shouldn’t have to stop saying sorry, you say sorry!

In the 80s when I was in my freshman year in college, they still had entirely separate mens and women’s dorms. I was in class waiting for a final to start and one of the guys was telling someone about how he had had to go into a women’s dorm to drop something off, and he was startled to see posters on the walls, flowers, curtains, etc. He said his men’s dorm had holes in the walls, things on fire, fights, guys walking around with open wounds and he just didn’t understand why they had to live like this. He said, “I want to live with the women, in civilization.”

Am reading Sisterhood of Spies, about women working for the OSS during WWII. One of the stories mentions that the women in London had a male visitor who would eat in their mess hall once a month. He was married and wasn’t interested in hitting on any of the women; he just wanted to eat in an atmosphere where people said “Please pass the butter,” instead of “PASS THE GODDAMNED GREASE”

I dated a guy who brought me along on group activities (movies, video game night, etc.) with four or five other male friends. Once I mentioned to one of the other guys that I hoped I wasn’t intruding on their “guy time” or some such. He got this sort of rueful look and said, “The truth is, I really like it when you’re here because it gives us a reason to act better. When it’s just guys, we all have to try to outdo each other with how vile we are.”

So the moral of these stories are men don’t even treat each other like human beings.

TREAT EACH OTHER NICELY!!!

teenagecriminalmastermind:

inkskinned:

i have thought a lot about censorship and what is “appropriate”. not a lot of people know this, but lolita was written to show what we allow on our bookshelves: there being no swear words in it meant it was free from censorship. a book about child molestation was allowed because it didn’t explicitly use the word “fuck”. he wrote it to show we don’t really care about protecting children, and it ended up being seen as a romance.

someone once told me – actually, many people have – that lgbt content isn’t appropriate for children. any content. not just kissing. i’m drowned in questions: “won’t the parents have to explain it?” “kids shouldn’t be thinking about sex at this age, or do you think differently?” “what will the kids think?”

at six i saw disney movies. people kiss and get married. i didn’t ask “what does that mean.” i didn’t ask “are those people going to have sex?” i didn’t ask anything, because i was six, and no six year old thinks twice about these things. nobody ever “explained” being straight to me, it was a fact, and it existed, and i was fine with that. why would being gay require a thesis, i wonder.

someone once told me that the one of the reasons people hate lgbt individuals is because they can’t see us as anything but sexual. we’re not people, so much as sinners. that they don’t see love, they see sex. just sex. it’s perversion, not a matter of the heart. only of the body.

i think i was in my early twenties before i saw someone like me. 

how old were you, though, before you saw violence? before you saw sexual assault on tv? i think something like that is only pg-13, and if it’s implied, they can get away with anything. i remember watching things and learning about blood, but knowing sex – sex was what was really wrong. sex was always rated r. sex was always kind of a bad word. i was told a lot that i wasn’t ready.

i had a dream last night that i made a site where people could ask any question they wanted about sex and get answered by a professional. it was shut down in moments because 15 year olds wanted to know if it should hurt, if “double-bagging” was a real thing, if this, if that. we shudder. don’t let the children know about that! 

but at thirteen i had seen enough violence it no longer struck me. i couldn’t say “fuck” but i knew that if you break your femur, you can bleed out internally in under half an hour. in school i wasn’t allowed to write about loving girls because what would the administration think – but i could write about wanting to kill myself and people would say how lovely, how blistering.

i have thought a lot about censorship. sometimes people on this site try it with me: don’t write this, don’t be so nasty. some of it is intrinsic. we know as people with a uterus not to complain about “that time of the month”, we know better than to talk about sexual assault (how shameful), we know that talking about a vagina is somehow scandalous. i can say “dick” and nobody questions me. some people only refer to the bottom half of me by “pussy”. they won’t wrap a mouth around “vagina” like it’s poison to them. even discussing this, that the language halts, that there’s an intrinsic desire to say “girls” instead of “women” – feels naughty, illicit. not for children.

the other day someone suggested i make my blog 18+. i said, okay, it deals a lot with depression and other problems that might be for a mature audience. oh no, they said, that’s not it, i think that’s helpful. i said, okay. so what is it then. well, you’re gay. you write about loving women. and i said, i don’t write about sex often and they said. it’s not about the sex. but wlw isn’t for a general audience. teenagers aren’t ready.

oh.

lolita is recommended for high school and up. i think about that a lot. i know girls who love it, who say it speaks to them on a deep level. it’s beautiful prose, after all. that was the whole point of the novel. something that looked like a rose but was intrinsically awful. i think about how if i was a model they’d want me to look young, thin, prepubescent. how my body would be sold and how through the mall i walk by images of barely-clothed women while mothers cannot breastfeed in public without fear of retribution. 

i think about how i can write a novel about violence and it will be pg-13 but if my characters say “fuck” twice it’s inappropriate. i said fuck three times so far in this post, which makes it only appropriate for adults. 

i think about that, and how my identity is something that people suggest lines up with a swear word. that people shouldn’t talk about it. that it’s a vulgarity. bad for children, harsh, confusing.

fuck. i love women. which one makes this only for those over eighteen.

This is such a powerful post. Read it fully, and spread it around.