spectraspecs-writes:

theroguefeminist:

mutilatedmemories:

Open relationships seem to be becoming more popular which is cool, but this should be kept in mind:

If your partner is allowed to flirt and mess around with other people, and you’re not, you’re not in an open relationship. You’re being strung along, manipulated, and emotionally abused by someone who wants to do what they want on their terms, and control you at the same time.

Get out.

This happened to a friend of mine. The second she slept with someone else her boyfriend flew into a rage and my friend blamed herself. He also had a girlfriend who didn’t even know about her so…he was straight up cheating on his girlfriend and forbidding my friend he was seeing from seeing anyone else and called this an “open relationship.” My friend actually bought this as legitimate polyamory. Exploiting the language of polyamory can allow abusers to gaslight you to prevent you from even seeing infidelity and abuse for what it is.

This happened to one of my friends, too. He told me a story once of how he went with his girlfriend to visit colleges, and her other boyfriend came along, too. She and the other boyfriend were sleeping in the same bed, being very intimate, and my friend cried himself to sleep. This was a great guy, he deserved so much better. When he broke up with her and went out with my best friend, I couldn’t even be that mad at her (my best friend) (because I wanted to go out with him, too), because I was just glad he was out of that relationship. She was not good for him at all. 

Granted, she had issues then that I don’t feel fit to discuss because I didn’t know her that well at that point, and I get the feeling she didn’t see the damage she did as abuse because of those issues, but her emotional issues don’t give her the right to cause emotional pain to my friend and her boyfriend at the time. And the pain she caused him has colored my view of polyamorous relationships even now. People talk about polyamory positivity, and I want to be accepting of it but all I can think of is the shit my friend went through.