I’m fucking crying

young-il-long-kiyoshi:

I usually don’t post emotional stuff like this but I’m a little overwhelmed so I feel like I need to get this out there. 

My parents have been pretty big on me getting married and getting into a romantic relationship despite me being aroace. I’ve told them repeatedly that I’m not into romance and that sort of thing, but of course they don’t really register it. Part of me blames the language barrier. I’ve pretty much given up on getting them to understand and resigned myself to having them and their friends set up marriage offers for me (yep, Asians still do this) and me shooting them all down.

But today when I was having a serious talk with my mom about relationships (specifically I was worried about my close friend who is in a very controlling relationship and I was asking advice on if there’s anything I could to do help), it suddenly turned into me finding a relationship. And for the umpteenth time, I go, “Mom, I’m not really a person for romance. I’ve told you this.”

And for the first time ever, my mom hesitates and I see her clearly thinking before she says:

“Well, there are other options out there. As long as you’re together with someone you care with, without the need for commitment. Those are possibilities too.” 

I blink because that is not what I expected her to say. And then I ask, “And you’re okay with that?”

She hesitates again and I can tell that she’s carefully choosing her words. “As long as you’re… not alone in the future, I think any kind of partner or partners are okay. As long as it’s someone you care about, who’s good to you and can support themselves without leaning on you.”

The thing that hit me hardest was that she was specifically avoiding the ‘love’ word while she was talking. She made it clear that as long as I had at least friends, or a platonic life partner, she didn’t care if I never found a romantic relationship. She was fine with me never getting married even though she used to push me really hard about it.

Fuck. Fuck. I’m crying again. I’m sorry, I’m wrapping this up here. I love my mom. Fuck.

About C.A. Jacobs

Just another crazy person, masquerading as a writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.