The results have come back from two of the three poetry contests I submitted to at the end of 2021 and I have so far not even been a finalist, which is mildly depressing. So I am editing again with the hopes of resubmitting to one of the contests that closes at midnight on 15 May 2022. I am actually happier with the work I’ve done more and more with every time I edit it. I find and fix quite a few mistakes and the story/content gets stronger. I would like very much for this next submission to be the one that actually goes through.

I’ve got a number of ideas for the future, if this is the one that actually succeeds. I’m going to attend the World Fantasy Convention 2023 in Kansas City, Missouri in the fall of 2023. If I actually have books in print by then, I think it would be really great to work with the publisher and maybe donate 25-50 books for the famous free book bags. I also think it would be great to have physical copies of the book in circulation at a huge convention like WFC. I could get a table or something and participate in the mass signing. I might even be able to convince the person I commissioned artwork from to attend, and then they could sign as the cover artist and I could sign as the author. But that assumes 1) I win the contest or otherwise get accepted for publication 2) the physical books will be available for me prior to summer 2023 3) my desired/commissioned cover art is allowed to be used as the actual cover art 4) the publisher agrees to allow me to either purchase or donate my books to WFC 2023.

That’s a significant number of “if/then” statements but I think it’s good to have goals and to keep working towards them, no matter how many rejections come in. I think it would be great visibility for the book to be included in the free book bags. A lot of the authors I read and purchase these days started from free books I picked up at the World Fantasy Conventions I’ve attended over the years.

Meanwhile, I’ve started the long, time-consuming process of disassembling and packing up my Legos, which is always hard. There are so many things I want to build and so many things I wish I could build but I just don’t have the space or time. And it seriously becomes a matter of maybe regret? For all the things I kept putting off until tomorrow and now “tomorrow” has become a looming threat. I have to move soon. And start a new life and a new job and that’s already intimidating enough but now there’s this sense of nostalgic disappointment that even with my current, nice place to live and stable income, I still didn’t get enough time to do enough of the things that make me happy.

I finally found and am an active participant in a local Adult Fan of Lego (AFOL) group and they are fantastic and I’m learning so much from them but this, too, is only temporary, as I really will be moving soon.

Starting over is hard.

I don’t have a place to live and that housing market is extra stupid right now.

I don’t know what I’m going to do for work. I don’t think I have it in me to work for company/corporate selfish greed. I don’t think I have the financial backing to start my own business and I worry doing something like opening my own used Lego store will just drain away my love of building. Teaching won’t pay the bills, as much as I really do enjoy teaching.

Being a part of a community takes time and effort and just when I started to get to know people, I’ll be moving again.

So there’s a lot going on but I’m going to keep doing the best I can, I guess.