kizunah:

my sister can’t believe how ace i am and it’s honestly so entertaining. 

“so you…..just…..don’t feel………..anything ??” 

and i always deadpan, “no” 

and she’s like, “that sounds fake"

(the thought of sex actually repulses me to the point of nausea sometimes. it’s very intrinsic repulsion, lodged deep. it’s weird though, because i can feel very ‘hot and bothered’ when i read/watch/write something provocative; i feel it for sure. but in real life, toward real people ?  never.)

i can objectively understand the appeal of the body but subjectively have never found it so. i can understand what is considered ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ but won’t feel a drop of it myself.

i actually really really do not care for boobs/ass/thighs/abs/whatever. i’ve actually never ever found them appealing, even when i look back to my early high school years when my friends would gush over so-and-so celebrities. i would always say something like “he’s really cute” or “he has a nice smile” and i always remember telling my friends that ‘hot’ is a weird word for me and how i just can’t use it to describe anyone.

and then i tell her that the only attraction i feel for people is purely aesthetic: it’s the face. it’s the hands. it’s the body, but the trivial little things about it. it’s the structure of faces, the arch of your brows, the shape of your eyes, the glimpse of wrist bones, the curve of your lips, the curve of your ankle when you reach up for something, the way your fingers freeze in this beautiful suspension when reaching out for something, the way your breath hitches when you’re trying to catch it, the way your knuckle bones peek out when your hand is loosely clenched around something, the contrast of hair/skin/eye colors, the way they catch the light … it mesmerizes me in the way that sort of catches in my throat. the endless combinations all of these features is so fascinating and beautiful.

it’s like, i want to keep looking at you, i don’t think i can get enough of looking at you.

that is pleasure for me.