Glad to see my lifelong disinterest in golf is paying off

let me tell you about golf

i grew up in a little desert valley called Tucson, Arizona, where it only rains 2 inches a year on average. the majority of the city’s water is pumped from an underground aquifer, which took millions of years to fill. one of the biggest conservation efforts in our city was for water, naturally, and i spent a lot of time learning about low flow toilets and 5 minute showers. i learned that filling your sink basin and washing your dishes in that water is less costly than running the tap. i learned that it only takes 2 days without water on the desert for someone to die

the city was sinking as the aquifer drained. neighborhoods fell into flood zones that didnt exist 10 years ago

there’s a road called Golf Links in the city and it is lined with golf courses. miles of green grass where grass doesn’t grow, in a valley where it doesn’t rain. why? because the rich white retirees who moved there to stop the aching in their joints decided they should also get to play golf. meanwhile our public schools taught small children like me that taking long showers would kill the world

let the golf industry burn

There are 15,500+ golf courses in the United States alone. 

Each one consumes ~312,000 gallons of water per day.

That consumption is equivalent to 55+ million humans per day in the United States… roughly 1/6 the entire population.

We simply cannot sustain this frivolity, especially for something 99% of us will never use.

Destroy golf courses and plant wild grasses and butterfly bushes in their place.

It’s as if you have the highest literacy and education rates in the history of humanity and all knowledge in the palm of your hand…

It’s almost as if you’re not content being a generation of leisure-seeking, elitist, resource chewing idiots.

Good on you Millennials. 

What if we made golfing as shameful and difficult as it currently is for women to get care from Planned Parenthood? What if, in order to get to their precious golf courses, they were overrun by people with signs and pamplets from James 5:1-6 “Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you filed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you.”

They’re retired, old, white conservatives who love their Bible, yes? Wouldn’t it be fun to make things so annoying for them that they no longer golf and nature can reclaim that land? And when nature reclaims it, leave all the cart roads for runners and disabled people to then enjoy time outside.

About C.A. Jacobs

Just another crazy person, masquerading as a writer.
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