While I am very happy that the people who I care about most are leading wonderful and happy lives, it sometimes gets to me that their lives can only be happy without my presence in them.

When do I get to share my life with someone I care about who cares about me?

When do I get someone to come home and hang out with?

When do I get to not be the villain of the story?

Why do I always give up what I want so others can be happy?

Why are others happier without me?

I mean, I get it. I made a lot of mistakes. I treated the people I care about badly. I didn’t listen to them or respect their wishes. I was filled with pain and hurt and I broadcast that to everyone I came in contact with. I don’t deserve another chance after having blown so many before.

Exhausted isn’t even a strong enough word.

So whoever you are, wherever you are in life, know that I only wish the best for you. I hope your life is filled with laughter, family, friends, joy, love, beauty, fantastic people, and only the best shenanigans. And I hope that maybe someday, you’ll give us another chance.

About C.A. Jacobs

Just another crazy person, masquerading as a writer.
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