imagine instead of a peaceful and graceful first contact, aliens are pissed at us and the first contact is just them complaining how hard it is to study us.


“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO STUDY YOU PEOPLE!?!?! OURS BIOLOGISTS HASENT HAS SLEEP IN WEEKS TRYING TO STUDY THE ECOSYSTEM YOU KEEP CHANGING! one generation its on the verge of collapse, with clear intentions of killing it. then the next generation you are hell bent to repair it! dont get me started on how much of a headache it was that you kept reviving extinct species you killed! we look like total idiots having to go back and change reports to the empire! not to mention are engineer also wants a word with the person who keeps changing tech so that they have to start almost from scratch studying it! like you went from not knowing anything about space to ‘oh we know the composition of near by exoplanets, how they formed, and how the universe was created’ and ‘we should colonize and terraform this planet.’ WITH IN FOUR GENERATIONS! YOU EVEN LANDED ON YOUR *(&(*^(^*&^& (translation unknown…likely to be a swear worse then any word we have) MOON WITH IN TWO DECADES OF DISCOVERING THE TECH TO GO INTO SPACE! oh and our scientists studying human culture wants kill you all herself  because you keep changing culture almost on a daily bases!!! and not to mention you somehow DOUBLED YOUR LIFESPANDS SOME HOW. AND OUR GEOLOGIST IS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE YOUR PLANET DIDNT EVEN HAVE OXYGEN ORIGINALLY AND A FREAKEN CORAL MADE ALL OF IT, FROM WHICH OTHER LIFE FORMS ADAPTED TO THE OXYGEN! oh and dont even get me started on your ‘internet’!”

this would then launch a new golden age of human progressiveness and technological advancements greater then anyone has ever dreamed for one goal, and one goal only. to troll the aliens as much as humanly possible. 

it will be the galaxy’s greatest prank.

About C.A. Jacobs

Just another crazy person, masquerading as a writer.
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